Cecilie Fjellhøy: the Tinder Swindler survivor teaching founders to slow down

In 2019, Netflix’s The Tinder Swindler turned Cecilie Fjellhøy into an overnight headline. The story was brutal: she lost more than £200,000 to a man she thought was her partner, taking out nine loans in his name. “One day you’re in love, the next you’re bankrupt,” she recalls.

But Cecilie is no longer just “the woman from the documentary.” Before it all happened, she was proud of her professional career in user experience design – and she’s determined not to let fraud erase that. In the years since, she has reclaimed her voice: publishing a book, appearing in a new Netflix documentary, co-founding LoveSaid CIC to support victims, and advising startups like Charm Security on how to fight fraud with technology.

She says this comes from an innate drive to speak up: “I have this very innate need for justice. And I feel if I can speak up, if I have that resilience to do so, I have to do it for the ones who can’t.”

Her message reaches far beyond dating. Fraud is a business problem, too. For entrepreneurs, her lessons are clear: slow down, add friction, and design systems where trust isn’t just assumed – it’s verified.

Success moves fast… or does it?

Today’s fraud is polished, professional, and credible. Fake investment groups and recruitment scams have surged. Deepfake video calls and cloned voices are entering corporate deal-making. What hasn’t changed is the method: fraudsters build credibility, create urgency, and pressure you to act fast.

Founders are also at risk. Their ambition and optimism can be turned against them. “Let’s say an investor is pushing you to have contracts signed by Friday or the deal will disappear,” Cecilie says. “In that case, I would question: what difference does a day make? If they really believe in you, why should 24 hours change that?”

For her, urgency is the oldest red flag: “The more questions you ask, the more frustrated they get. And that’s exactly when you need to slow it down.”

Rethinking friction

In her UX career, Cecilie had always been trained to think “frictionless.” “As few clicks as possible,” she recalls. “And now we see the repercussions of that.”

She argues for flipping the script: positive friction. “If I get stopped with a transaction, I should think: oh, they’re taking care of me. Not: why are you asking me these questions? Because it’s about protecting everyone in society.”

Banks are beginning to catch on. In the UK, institutions like Monzo are adding what Cecilie calls “intentional friction” – safe settings that only allow transactions from certain locations, or the ability to retract a payment after it’s been approved. These pauses create space to spot red flags.

For founders, the same principle applies. Positive friction in business could mean:

– requiring two signatures before large transfers;

– asking for bank statements or official registration documents;

– insisting on references that go beyond polished testimonials;

– or inserting a deliberate 24-hour delay into major deals.

AI as an ally

Fraud today doesn’t look like clumsy emails. It looks like slick websites, realistic voice clones, and even AI-generated videos circulating on social platforms.

But Cecilie pushes back against the panic. “I think we’re catastrophising a lot more than we should,” she argues. “If they can use AI for criminal activities, then we have to be able to use it to fight against them.”

Her vision is practical: AI agents that act as co-pilots for both customers and bank employees. “When you’re manipulated and coerced, you will lie, you will behave in ways that don’t make sense – properly deluded. That’s when an AI agent could sit beside you, listen into the conversation and give advice, suggest questions to ask, guide the employee or even talk to you directly – without judgment, without shame.”

Instead of AI as the threat, Cecilie wants to see it as an ally: a neutral expert that can outlast human fatigue and protect people from manipulation. For founders, the message is: AI is both a risk vector and a shield. Don’t just adopt it for efficiency; design it into your processes as a guardian of trust.

Lessons for founders

Cecilie’s journey carries valuable lessons for anyone building across borders:

– Trust, but verify. Don’t take websites or glossy decks at face value. Check when a domain was registered. Ask for proper bank statements or tax documents. Request references from collaborations not published on their website.

– Build positive friction. Add checkpoints: require multiple approvals on payments, schedule video calls early, and insert 24-hour delays into contracts. See pushback as a red flag.

– Listen to your gut. Pressure is the oldest trick in the fraud playbook. If someone insists there’s “no time to verify,” that’s exactly when you need to slow down.

– Design trust as a product. Trust doesn’t mean removing all barriers. It means building systems where verification is standard for your customers, your partners, and your team.

– Keep the evidence. Cecilie warns that many victims delete messages and records out of shame – but those chats and documents are often the most important proof.

“Fraudsters will always tell you everything is amazing,” Cecilie says. “But real partners can also tell you what isn’t.”

Beyond this episode: slowing down to speed up

Cecilie’s story is proof that vulnerability can be turned into strength and that slowing down may be the fastest way to build something that lasts.

Winning Friends is a podcast powered by Estonia’s e-Residency, hosted by Logan Merrick and Dylan Hey. Each episode explores how real relationships – in business, partnerships, and the systems we rely on – shape the way we build.

Want to dig deeper into how global entrepreneurs are building borderless businesses safely? Don’t miss our article on Estonia’s e-Residency programme, a way for founders around the world to launch, run, and scale companies with European access, no matter where they live.

Watch the full episode of Winning Friends featuring Cecilie Fjellhøy here.